I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
is wine microwaveable?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
MIDGETS
????
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
