did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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