I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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