Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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