wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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