I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
