it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
