I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
