Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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