I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
