This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
