omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Randomize
