I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Can I color on your dick again?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
