I smell stomach acid.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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