with your own penis?
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
