i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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