Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
