I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
