I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
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