I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
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My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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