So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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