Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
