so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
