the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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