is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
