Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
What a dumb baby whore.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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