awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
