Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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