I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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