it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Bring me that man meat
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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