Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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