It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
