im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
