I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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