look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You dont lie about slip and slides
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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