i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
