? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
