That's intense
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
