Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
