You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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