I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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