i just google imaged poop.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
