roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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