Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
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