They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
How does one acquire holy water?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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