It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
