so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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