Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Randomize
