You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
