a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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