Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
