he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
