I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
