Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
