I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
