You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
