So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
