Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I puked a lego.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
