i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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