She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
