hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
