This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
