i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You are the jesus of drinking
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I came so hard my ears popped.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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