hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
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