If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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