and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
