Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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