i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
