If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
