I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
