Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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