Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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