Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
