just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
