He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
