If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
